[MUD-Dev] [DGN?] It's just a game (?)

[Marian Griffith]

On Mon 21 May, Sharon Mock wrote:
>> From: "F. Randall Farmer" <randy.farmer at pobox.com>

>> As you might guess, I'm also not so keen on so-called "virtual
>> rape."  I think it also devalues the very real tragedy of
>> rape. Similar arguments to above. Harassment <> Rape.

Nobody, or at least not many people, will argue that virtual rape is
the -same- as a real rape.  However, the emotional impact on the
victim is quite similar.

> Moving this part of the response to a new message...

> I would tend rather to argue that the outrageous weight of the
> concept of "rape" ("a fate worse than death") tends to devalue forms
> of assault and torture that don't involve violent sexual penetration
> and resulting physical damage.

This weight comes from a time when it was quite true. A woman who was
raped lost all chances on a normal life, mostly because she was the
one who got blamed for the attack.  The kindly inclined would assume
that it was her own fault, the nasty minded would say that she had
encouraged the man.  She would not be allowed to marry afterwards,
especially not if she got pregnant.  She would also be shunned by her
community. Not a pleasant prospect for the next forty or fifty years
of your life...  And of course there are plenty of cultures today
where a woman is likely to be murdered by her own family if she has
the misfortune to be raped, solely on the fact that she has somehow by
being at- tacked dishonoured her family name.

> I don't have any patience with an outsider wandering into a
> conversation and deciding that "u bitch, u suk" qualifies as
> "cyberrape."

I entirely agree.  That is silly on the part of the qualification, and
name calling on a very childish level for the actual insult.

> But neither do I have any patience with somebody who dares to admit
> to feeling "violated" by a concerted campaign of humiliation and
> intimidation being told to "shut up, it's not real rape, you can log
> out any time you want."  (Especially since, last time I checked,
> logging out of a conflict is considered the province of Losers,
> Lamers, Bad Sports, and, oh yeah, Wussy Little Girls Who Can't Take
> What The Boys Dish Out.)

That attitude is what makes the whole experience so much worse.

> Is intent to rape <> rape?

I think that really depends on the perception of the victim.  But then
a lot depends on that with actual rape as well, just as with assault,
battery and all other types of violent crimes that have more to do
with power and (loss of) control, than with physical damage.

> Does the real-life evidence [possibly now discredited] that
> attempted rape is often more traumatic than "the real thing" have
> pertinence?

> Does it make a difference that it's easier to be virtually cruel?

My guess would be that it is not.  Because there is usually no im-
mediate physical threat involved in virtual crimes the focus is on the
emotional damage (which tends to be the harder to heal with a real
rape as well).  It also means that the perception of the vic- tim is
more determining here. What made the lambda moo case so bad for the
victims is that they appeared to be -doing- things that they did not
want to do, but were helpless to stop. To them it ap- peared that they
were overpowered and forced into sexual activity.

Of course if the victim has (been given) reason to belief that the
attacker is capable of carrying out a physical threat, or reprisal
then the situation decidedly qualifies as rape. In the Netherlands and
I think it is the same in the US, intercourse is no longer a
requirement for a rape charge.

> What about women who exploit relatively trivial incidents in order
> to gain sympathy?  (I'd love to say they don't exist, but....  If it
> makes me a disloyal feminist, so be it.)

You are right that it happens, and it does not make you either a
feminist, nor disloyal, to say so :) This is a very difficult li- ne
to draw. Where does a friendly pat on the shoulder end and does
(sexual) harassment start? For twenty or so centuries the solution was
to keep men and women apart entirely, and ignore any situation where
they had to meet (e.g. marriage).  Lately the situation has become
reversed and a new balance is being sought by society, with currently
the burden of blame somewhat unfairly on the male side.  Of course
they have little reason to complain, being treated un- fairly for
about two decades as opposed to twenty centuries :)

> What about women who, for whatever reason, have genuine but
> exaggerated responses to relatively trivial triggers?  What about
> women who, for whatever reason, deny the seriousness or impact of
> the behavior to which they are subjected?

The first the administration has to talk with, if only to protect
everybody involved in the game.  This does not mean that the woman in
question may not have real reasons to behave, nor that her re- action
should be denied or belittled . Each game develops its own subculture,
and it may be that a player is more at ease in another game, with
another culture.  In the second case there is very little that can be
done.  Clearly the administration of the game will have to deal with
any excesses they perceive, but whether or not the victim of them sees
herself as such they have no control over.


marian
--
Yes - at last - You. I Choose you. Out of all the world,
out of all the seeking, I have found you, young sister of
my heart! You are mine and I am yours - and never again
will there be loneliness ...

Rolan Choosing Talia,
Arrows of the Queen, by Mercedes Lackey

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